So now it falls to France to save Scotland from the disaster of England winning the World Cup. Allez Les Bleus!

England cannot be allowed to prevail in Qatar. It would constitute a crime of the ages if they do, a perverse and a foul turn of events totally and wholly flying in the face of decency, probity, and justice.

Here, for your enlightenment all right thinking Scots, I remind you of the Auld Alliance between Scotland and France against the horrific and beastly Moloch in our midst, otherwise known as England.

This particular treaty was signed on 23 October 1295 by then Scots King John Balliol and Philip IV of France, and remained extant until the Scottish Reformation of the mid sixteenth century. However its resurrection is an idea whose time has come — what with Brexit coming to pass in violation of democracy in Scotland; what with Nigel Farage and all that this ham-faced gammon and his mad pals at GB News represents; what with the so-called royals; what with English Tory ideas being so anathema in Scotland; what with the need to escape this semi-feudal, post-colonial theme park; and what with the England national football team, despite the best efforts of current manager Gareth Southgate, being an institution more traditionally representative of the National Front than national unity.